If you do not know me enough or you are part of my family, it is possible that on some occasions you have come to think that I am pretending to be sick.
Maybe you think that you can not be continually tired or that it is impossible for someone to live with constant pain and I wish that was the case and I, like many other people, did not experience it in the first person, pretending to be good for our family and acquaintances,
Pretending to be fine to go to work every day even brutal torture and we can only half meet our obligations of swollen and analgesic pills, crawling with difficulty for when we finally get home can not move or the intense and unbearable pain and exhaustion strenuous of which we never recover.
But in spite of everything, I have no choice but to act as if I was well.
It’s much easier to pretend and try to make me see that I’m fine because that way I do not have to defend myself. I do not have to explain to someone that it is possible to live in constant and constant pain.
Nor do I have to return to list the symptoms to someone who does not feel any interest. I do not have to justify the incessant fatigue. I do not have to explain why I do not go to the gym or the pool like before. I’d like to be fine, but I’m not.
I do not understand very well why I feel that I have to pretend to be okay when the opposite is true. Why does the opinion of others matter so much? Why do not I care what they think?
I am tired, very tired of trying to explain how I really am, I have explained it to my relatives and friends who have not understood my daily reality, I have even told the doctors that they have looked at me with disbelief and they have told me that Tell her that it is not possible, that it exacerbates the symptoms.
Some yes, thank God, but not the majority, and maybe that’s why I developed great skills as an actor in a role that I never asked to touch me.
It’s crazy, but sometimes I feel like a criminal continually judged by people who know nothing about me or my life and before this world is better to pretend that people who just know or know something about you do not begin to advise. what you should do without having the slightest idea or believe that you know better than me how I am and what affects me or not.
Even if it costs me, I always try to be nice when someone asks me how I am. That is a question that sometimes almost makes me burst with anger because I can not tell the truth, but I stop and try to divert the subject or try to solve it with a brief “I’m fine”.
I could say “today I could get out of bed without help” or “I’ve been doing something better for a few days when the pain is giving me a break” or “this week is being a hell because I’m going to go”. through a crisis “,
But this would lead to having to justify my state again, to have to explain why I feel this way, and I probably will not believe it, so the answer is never the truth.
I would like to stop pretending that I feel good and show my true state. I would like those who ask me to do so with a real interest in my state and not to see or hear as others suspect that I am lying when I tell them what is my real state.
Do you feel the need to pretend that you’re okay when it’s not like that? Would you like to change that.?
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